


Full Moon

by PeregrineBones



Series: 1994 [7]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-27
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 08:38:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7884271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeregrineBones/pseuds/PeregrineBones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is the full moon and Remus and Sirius are going through changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Full Moon

It was 4:02 on the afternoon of the full moon and Remus Lupin was feeling harried. Moonrise was getting close and the pull of it in his joints and blood and skin, was almost more than he could bear. These hours before the moon rose were predictably bad. Remus had been going through transformations every month since he was 10 years old and he still hated it, but he hated worst these final hours of dread. He hated the way he could feel his spleen, his kidneys, pulling inside him, getting ready to change shape along with the rest of him. He hated the sensitivity of his skin, the way every breeze made the hairs stand up. He hated the way he looked in the mirror, eyes already glowing, feral, his beard suddenly growing, giving Remus, who worked hard to stay neat and well groomed, a terrible 5:00 shadow.

He excused his haggard appearance and short temper with his co-workers by claiming a hangover which actually was not completely untrue. He had had a difficult night with Sirius who had not reacted well to the information that he was meeting Severus Snape in Diagon Alley to receive a dose of Wolfsbane potion. They'd had a loud argument about it, a good old fashioned row. Remus had actually been glad in a way, to see Sirius' temper flare. It was like the Sirius of the old days, quick to anger and quick to get over it, different from the slow controlled burn of rage he seemed to have acquired in prison. When Remus had seen that it had terrified him. Anyway the making up part had involved a bottle of fire whiskey and he had arrived at work that morning feeling hung over as well as moonish.

He finished up assisting a last customer with a growl in his throat that he was sure startled the pretty young woman who was buying 5 different books on pregnancy. Annie, who was probably his best friend at this job was supposed to relieve him at the register, but at ten past four she had not yet shown up. Remus found himself growing a bit frantic. This was not going to work. He fought the urge to hit the counter, and when he finally saw her purple fringe enter the shop at quarter past he was barely able to contain his anger

“Sorry,” she sang out. “My class went a bit late.”

Remus genuinely liked Annie, she had a wry sense of humor and a love of books that bordered on worship which endeared her to Remus, a fellow bibliophile. This afternoon, she entered the shop breathless, all black clothing and doc martens, and he could not really trust himself to speak. He just gave her a curt nod as he punched in the code to sign out of the register. His hands were shaking a bit and he had to try three times to get it right.

“You all right, Remus?” she asked looking at him appraisingly. He looked like he was about to hit the cash register. “You look a bit sick.”

“Just have an appointment. Mustn't be late.”

“All right. See you tomorrow.”

“Not tomorrow, no,” murmured Remus heading for the door.

“You forgot your jacket,” she called after him, noticing it draped across a chair. But he was all ready gone with a jingle of the bells that hung on the entrance to the bookshop. Annie looked after him, wondering. She liked Remus a lot, they got on really well, but this moodiness was new. She shrugged and turned to the register to punch in her code.

****

The Muggle underground was stuffy and crowded on this suddenly warm spring afternoon but Remus didn't trust himself to apparate across London to get to Diagon Alley. His magic got sloppy in these last few hours before the moon rose and he avoiding using it as much as possible. He fingered his wand in his pocket warily. Not being able to use magic made him feel exposed, on guard. His training from his days as a foot soldier for the Order of the Phoenix had never left him, and worries about hiding Sirius, about Voldemort's possible return, about some vague threat to Harry, had heightened his level of alertness, his sense of danger lurking. The stink of the tube station, sweat and urine and greasy curry rose into his overly sensitive nostrils and made him slightly nauseous. When the rush of the oncoming train blew a puff of stale air across his skin he felt every hair on his body bristle and he shuddered.

He disgorged from the stuffy tube after an unpleasant ride on a crowded train near the Leaky Cauldron and hurried through the busy streets. The smells of London on a warm spring day were almost unbearable. People were getting off work, remarking on the beautiful weather, relaxing in the gentle spring air. He hurried through the portal behind the Cauldron (he had to use his wand for that, though his fingers were trembling a bit). Diagon Alley was packed and Remus hurried on, hoping he didn't run into anyone he knew, eyes down, and arrived without incident at the Owl's Knees, a small pub on the edge of Knockturn Alley where he and Severus had agreed to meet.

Severus Snape was sitting at the bar, a dark figure in black robes, posture erect, lank hair hanging down, a grimace on his face. Remus was breathless, his heart pounding, armpits wet. Severus looked at him and the grimace deepened. Remus knew from long experience that what others might take as a look of disdain was, in Severus, actually one of concern.

Severus studied him for a moment, then said by way of greeting, “Sit down, Lupin.”

The Owl's Knees was dark and seedy. The bar was slightly sticky. Remus lowered himself onto a barstool with a red vinyl cover and shuddered. Severus was nursing a whiskey. He reached into a bag below the counter and wordlessly handed Remus a covered flask and a glass. The barman at the other end, a scary looking fellow with hooded eyes and unnaturally thick lips was pointedly ignoring them. Remus was pretty sure money had exchanged hands to achieve this and he was grateful. He poured out his potion and winced as he took the first bitter sip. It was a pale, opaque green with a silvery sheen and it smoked slightly. The wolfsbane in it always made him want to vomit but the strange flavor of the smoke, which smelled to Remus of sage and burnt chocolate, was vaguely soothing and he breathed some into the back of his throat and held it there as he felt the potion hit his stomach and start to course through his whole body. The wolfsbane caused a strange noxious tingle, almost electric. Then with a shudder of relief he felt it start to take hold, easing some of the tension in his muscles, his bones. The hairs on the back of his neck settled down and he took another longer drink.

“Better?” asked Severus and Remus nodded.

“How're things at home?”

“Okay. Improving, I think. It was a bit difficult at first.”

“I can imagine,” said Severus dryly. “You look like hell, Lupin.”

Remus ran his hand through his hair and took another long drink from his glass. The bitter taste was much less noticeable now, the nausea abating. “Ta, Severus. It's been a difficult day,” he said and tried to smile. ”I'm all right really.”

Severus gave him a searching look. Over the years the two men had grown close, although it was a friendship of few words. Remus understood that Severus had no use for idle conversation, and the two could meet for dinner or a drink and spend the entire evening in companionable silence, broken only by a few well chosen comments. They had actually been friends in their early years at Hogwarts, drawn together by a similar bookish disposition. Severus had tutored Remus in potions for a while, until growing pressure from their opposing alliances had pulled them apart. As adults they had been drawn together again, both haunted by the same tragic sequence of events. In the early days, after James and Lily had died, after Sirius had gone to prison, after Harry had been taken away beyond Remus' ability to reach him, he had realized that Severus' world had been shattered almost as totally as his own. Completely bereft, Remus had found solace in the company of the strange dour man, who was as broken hearted as he was. Well, now he had Sirius back, and Severus…..well, he was never getting Lily back. If he was thinking this, though, he gave no sign of it.

“How's Black?” Severus asked softly now.

Remus swallowed the last of his potion and managed a grin. “Right ticked off that I'm meeting you in a bar in Knockturn Alley.”

Severus gave a wan smile in return. “I suppose that's a good sign.”

“Yes, I suppose it is.” Remus replaced the lid on the now empty flask, returned it to Severus and slid off the barstool. “Thank you, Severus. I must get home.”

Severus also rose. The two left the dark bar together. “If you need anything, Lupin, you need only ask,” he murmured as they emerged into the low light of late afternoon.

“There is something, actually,” said Remus, a bit hesitantly.

Severus raised an eyebrow by way of reply.

“Legilimency, “ Remus said

“Legilimency?”

“Sirius is innocent, Sev. I am sure of it. But proving it is going to be difficult. If we could find his wand we could prove it using priori incantatem, but as you know I searched for years and never found it. I suspect Peter made off with it. But now that Sirius is out, if he could reconstruct the memories of that day, well, you know what your reputation is as a legilimens...”

Severus cut him off with a gesture “Unfortunately my reputation in other areas is less savory. I am not sure my testimony would bear much weight.”

“You've been a Hogwarts professor for 11 years, Sev. I think that counts for something.”

“You would also have to convince Black to let me into his mind. Given our history that could be tricky.”

Remus gave a short, slightly bitter laugh. “He would do it if it meant his freedom.”

“Let me consider the matter.” Severus glanced at the setting sun. “You must get home, Lupin.”

“Yes. Of course. Thank you again, Sev.”

“Have a gentle moon,” he said softly and he turned down the street towards Amor Alley.

Remus stood for a moment and watched him go, tall and slender still, black robes billowing a bit behind him. Over the years Severus had studiously avoided anything resembling romance, choosing instead to make regular use of the wizarding world's red light district. As Remus stood and watched his friend turn into Amor Alley he felt a wave of sadness hit him. He wished he could help Severus find a way to heal his broken heart, but doubted that he ever could.

The Wolfsbane potion had helped to soothe him, but the moon was still going to rise, and soon. Best not to turn into a savage beast in the middle of Diagon Alley, thought Remus as he headed towards the Leaky Cauldron to take their floo portal home.

********

Remus emerged from the fireplace at the house in Wales to find Sirius in the parlor pacing frantically.

“You're late,” he said. “The moon is nearly up. Where were you?" He grabbed Remus by the shoulders and started to dust him off.

“Don't touch me, Sirius!” Remus snapped. His eyes were bloodshot, wild. Soot from the fireplace clung to his sweaty face. The last rays of the setting sun glimmered outside, turning the light in the room orange. Sirius pulled his hands back as if scorched.

“You should eat something,” said Sirius worriedly. “Pomfrey always made you eat before.”

“No time and I'd just puke. Stop fussing, Pads.”

Remus’ father Romulus appeared in the doorway to the kitchen, a thermos flask and a large iron key in his hand.

“Best head right up to the shed son,” he said evenly. “Sirius will be right behind you.”

“Dad, he's going outside the wards. He should have a glamour,” said Remus roughly.

“I'll take care of it. Go now.” said Rom. Remus turned and headed out the back door and up the hill without another word.

Romulus handed Sirius the flask and the key, took his wand out of his jacket pocket and cast a wordless spell. Sirius felt a cool tingle, not unpleasant, wash over him and glanced in the mirror over the hearth. His hair was grey and stringy, his nose elongated. He nodded and turned to Rom.

“Lock the shed now and don't open it until the moon is fully up,” Rom said. “Make sure you transform as soon as you unlock it.”

“Thanks Rom.”

“Keep him safe.”

“I will.”

“Have a gentle moon,” he said as Sirius headed out the door and up the hill.

When he got to the small shed built on a rise behind the garden Remus was inside, half undressed. His naked shoulders shone eerily white in the dark shed. He was getting out of his trousers. “Don't come in!” he said in a low growl. “Lock the door, Sirius.”

Sirius did as he was told, wordlessly. He placed the thermos by the door and the key in his pocket, then went to sit on the ground behind the shed. The sun was down, but the western sky was a riot of pink and orange afterglow, green at the edges, a few small clouds high in the sky shining gold and purple. In the east the sky was a deep dusky blue. Sirius could see the glow of the moon just below the horizon.

He sat there and listened to the neighboring dogs, barking back and forth to each other in the clear spring air. In a few minutes he would be one of them, but just now he wanted to be human. The twilight bark, he thought, remembering the old story his nurse had read him as a child. One Hundred and One Dalmations. How he had loved that book. He still remembered his tattered copy, the tale of parents who had loved their children so much they would do anything to get them back. How unlike his own parents he thought, but the old anger was gone and he realized he was no longer bitter.

He thought of Harry and his heart constricted. Harry hadn't had anyone to read him that book. Harry’s parents were dead, Sirius had been in prison and Remus had been forbidden to go near him. And now, of course, he was too old. An unbearable sadness pulled at Sirius' heart. So much lost time, so many lost opportunities.

The moon slipped above the horizon and Sirius heard a bang from inside the shed, followed by a low growl of pain. It turned into a howl that made the base of his spine tingle. Sirius hated this part, the transformation. He knew it hurt Remus every time, terrified Remus every time. Sirius thought of Remus' warm intelligent eyes, his gentle smile, his quick laugh. How this sensitive soul coexisted with the beast was a mystery Sirius had stopped wondering about a long time ago.

Sirius rose and shook himself, watched the moon slowly rise. He felt a little better each day he was here with Remus, safe, loved, cared for. The despair, the coldness, that he had been sure would never leave him was starting to melt away.

Harry was still young, Sirius mused, still needed adults to love and guide him. Fourteen is not grown up. Sirius looked up at the moon, now three quarters above the horizon. He could take care of Remus and he could take care of Harry, too. The thought filled him with hope, something he had been sure he would never feel again. He vowed silently to himself to be as much of a parent as he could be to James' son. Then he went over to the shed, unlocked it and hid the key under a rock. He took a deep breath and Padfoot stood in the moonlight and nosed open the wooden door.

The wolf leapt over him, his fur shining silver in the moonlight and Padfoot barked and was chasing after him in an instant. The two canines rolled together, snapping at the air and batting at each other with heavy paws. Then, with a howl and a leap the wolf was up, heading deep into the forest, the large black dog close behind.

********

In the grey dawn light two figures moved slowly across the uneven ground to the house. Sirius had his arm around Remus' chest and under his arm. Remus leaned heavily against Sirius as he stumbled along beside him. They entered the dark kitchen and slowly made their way upstairs, where Sirius tucked Remus into the small bed then got in beside him, pulling him close, kissing him tenderly, soothingly, every where he could. Remus snuggled into his warm embrace, the heat from the other man's body enveloping him, relaxing him.

'”S better,” he mumbled “The Wolfsbane. I remember.”

“It is better,” Sirius agreed, looking him over. “You're barely hurt.” Remus just had a few light scratches on his hands, a graze across his forehead. They would probably heal before night fall. Sirius pulled a leaf out of his lover’s hair. “Sleep now,” he commanded. “I'm right here. Go to sleep.”

“Mmm,” Remus sighed. “You feel nice.” He snuggled deeper. “Stay with me.”

“I will,” said Sirius and he kissed and petted him until his breathing slowed and they both slept.

********  
Sirius woke to the light of midday pouring through the window, a warm breeze ruffling the curtains. It was almost hot in the little room. Remus was asleep, he lay on his side, his breathing deep and slow. Sirius rolled over and realized he had a hard on. He tugged a bit at himself experimentally. This was good, this was very good. There was a tingle starting at the base of his spine. He thought of Remus, bending to kiss him for the first time when they were 17, his face both terrified and determined. He thought of Remus, crying out as he came into his mouth the other night. He grew a little harder. He thought of Remus’ white back as he turned to take off his trousers in the shed last night. He thought of them as boys, watching each other, sneaking away to kiss, to touch, learning each other's bodies, daring each other to go further. They had really had no idea what they were doing, he mused, they had just made it up as they went along. It had felt like the grandest adventure they had ever tried.

He slipped out from under the covers, as quietly as possible. Moony needed to sleep. He ran himself a bath in the old fashioned tub, Indigo the cat staring at him companionably. He wondered if he could wank. Better not to push it he decided, sinking into the warm water. His thoughts turned to James, to Lily, to Regulus and his hard on left him as sadness overcame him. It was just him and Remus now, he thought. Everyone else is gone. Except Snape he supposed, and shuddered. How strange to think of him as an ally. That's how Remus thought of him. He supposed he would have to get used to it some how.

He wasn't sure he was prepared to live in a world without Lily and James. They'd been dead so long, but the thought of them had been part of what had sustained him in prison. He had somehow believed that if he did get out they would be there, all the horror could be undone. But of course that wasn't true. He thought of the past year since he'd escaped. He'd spent it mostly as Padfoot, sniffing around for Peter, trying to catch a glimpse of Harry, too afraid to go to Remus, sure he blamed him, sure he hated him.

The world had changed in 13 years. He thought of the strange muggle machines Remus had downstairs and sometimes fiddled with, the computer and CD player and the wireless phone. He thought of meeting Harry, in the shrieking shack. That had been one month ago, at the last full moon. Harry, looking at him, terrified at first, and then gradually coming to believe his story. He thought of the quick smile Harry had given him when he proposed he come to live with him. He thought of holding Harry as a newborn, the privilege bestowed upon him by James as if he were granting him the greatest of honors. He thought of Harry as a slightly older baby, flinging carrots across the room and laughing. He thought of Harry as a toddler, zooming around the Potters' small cottage on a toy broomstick purchased by Sirius himself.

Well, now Harry was 14, seeker for Gryffindor, on a broom Sirius had managed to get to him through the dark haze of last winter. Now Sirius had seen the hungry look in Harry's eyes. Sirius had recognized it instantly. He had felt a similar hunger when he was that age, for love, for home, for family.

Sirius got out of the tub and dried himself with a charm. He dressed and went downstairs to find some food, make tea for Remus when he awoke, check on Rom, who was dozing in a chair in a shaft of sunlight, the cat in his lap. He felt more determined than ever to reach Harry, to be the godfather, the protector, that James had meant him to be. It was almost too late, but not quite.

He slipped out the back door, took a breath and was a dog. He went down the garden, into the woods where he and Remus had run last night, sniffing along among the leaves and wildflowers.

When he returned Remus was stirring in the bed. Sirius busied himself with tea and broth and toast, holding Remus' head up while he drank, crumbling the toast into the broth and feeding it with a spoon. Remus’ eyes gradually came into focus and he smiled, a beautiful warm Remus smile, his mouth slightly crooked, his eyes amber.

“Thanks, Pads.” His voice was hoarse. He stretched a bit, his back cracked, he studied his hands. The cuts that had been there this morning had already healed. “Thanks for taking care of me. How's Dad?”

“Fine, I just brought him tea.”

“Hold me?” said Remus, lifting the blanket and Sirius slipped between the sheets, took Remus in his arms, and covered him with gentle kisses, the horniness he had felt earlier replaced by this tender sensuality, the need to hold and be held, to cherish and feel cherished, as powerful as sex.

“Every full moon,” Sirius said softly into Remus’ neck.

“What, Pads?”

“Every full moon, I’d look out the window. All those years. My cell looked east. I could see the moon rise over the ocean. It was….. Beautiful. It was one of the only beautiful things I had. It was freezing in that room in the winter, but I was glad I could see the sky. And every month, I’d ….worry about you. It tore me up, knowing what you were going through, that I wasn’t there to help you.”

Sirius’ voice had gone flat his eyes distant.

Remus brushed Sirius’ cheek with his hand, and looked up into his eyes. “I’m sorry,” was all he could think to say.

Sirius shook himself as if shaking the memory away. “ ‘s’all right,” he said softly. “Here we are.”

“Yes," agreed Remus. “Here we are.”

The sunlight in the bedroom was deepening into the glow of late afternoon. Sirius felt Remus sigh against his shoulder, felt his warm breath on his neck. Remus was all ready drifting back toward sleep, and Sirius was content.

“Sweet dreams, my lovelies,” wheezed the enchanted mirror in the corner.


End file.
